Thursday, June 24, 2010

More about being a child of God...

Earlier today I wrote about how the Lord had been showing Sonny how intimate He is as a Father. I wanted to write how the Lord has shown me this lately before we leave for camp (we leave on Sat and will be gone until next Thursday) so here we go...

We have to head back in time a few months to get the whole story... in early March of this year I went to the doctor because I was having some weird pains in my arms and back. I am not normally one to go to the doctor often but I had been having these random pains for a while and they were not getting better. Well, there was really nothing that they could find regarding the pain (which has sense gone away) BUT they did tell me something very surprising- I was pregnant!! So much for "planning" our lives. I was excited and nervous all in the same minute...

Well, we are more than 1/2 way to the birth of our second child and it has been a long journey. I feel like I have been pregnant for 2 years not just 5 months!! The pregnancy is getting easier now but in the beginning it was pretty rough.

As some of you may know, when I was pregnant with Asher we had a couple of scares when we had the ultrasound done where we looked at all of his organs. It was VERY scary for me. They told me that he had 2 "soft markers" which meant that he had a higher risk than normal for being a baby with down syndrome. After all of the miscarriages that we had been through, it seemed like we were just prone to having things not go our way. We had decided not to do any further testing while I was pregnant and I really struggled with worrying A LOT as his birth came closer. When he did come out (48 hours into labor) he was a perfectly fine, BIG boy (9lbs 13oz). I was so relieved. This was one HUGE tangible way that God was showing me that He hears my prayers and that He loves me.

This past Tuesday we had the big ultrasound scheduled for this little baby. I was a tad worried that we would again see "soft markers" and that I would have to battle fear for the rest of this pregnancy. That morning in the car, Sonny and I prayed to the Lord about this (as we have many times). We prayed that the baby would be healthy and would have no "soft markers" and I silently prayed that it would be a girl (as I have been doing since I found out we were pregnant). The ultrasound went absolutely PERFECT. Our technician was SO sweet and encouraging. We were in the room for almost 40 minutes because our little baby was being "modest," according to the technician, and we could not see if it was a boy or girl. Finally, the tech told us that we were having a girl!! I was so thrilled!! Though another boy would have been wonderful, I was really hoping for a girl this time. The technician kept telling us that she is beautiful (which is hard for me to understand how a baby in the womb can be beautiful) and that she is perfect. She had no soft markers and all of her organs look great. This was such a blessing- I actually cried a little. The technician told us that she has long legs and big lips (I think she gets both of those from me). I cannot tell you how much I felt the Lord's love in that room. The whole day was one where we tried to commit every detail to the Lord and He was so faithful.

So, if there is anything that Sonny and I have learned lately- it is that the Lord does really love His children. He does want us to pray without ceasing- to pray to Him about EVERYTHING and trust Him with the results. Know that God desires intimacy with His children. He wants you to come to Him with your joys, sorrows, worries and insecurities. We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I hope you will continue to do the same. =)

Children of God

So many things have happened since I last wrote. I was not sure a while back if the Lord was wanting me to spend time "blogging" but lately I have felt the urge to share with others the joys and struggles that we have gone through. I also wanted another way to connect with the girls in our student ministry as I know that this next season of life with two babies will pretty much require me to be at home more. Thinking way ahead, I also hope to one day print this into a book for my children in hopes that it will serve as an encouragement to them...

I will write Sonny's version of how the Lord has been speaking to him in and in little while I will write mine. It might seem really weird but every time we are about to go on a retreat or have a big event with our students in student ministry- Sonny and I usually struggle with feelings of inadequacy. We will feel like we are not good enough for this responsibility or that we do not have what it takes to minister effectively to these students. It's weird but it always happens right before something huge.

Well, in addition to feeling inadequate, Sonny has often struggled this year with not feeling God's love for him as a son. We both acknowledge that God loves all of His children in a broad sense, but Sonny was just really wanting to know that God specifically loves him and is proud of him as a son. He has often referred back to the gospels when the Father tells the whole crowd that Jesus is His Son and He is pleased with Him. Sonny and I have been praying often this year that God would show Sonny in a tangible way that God is proud of him as a son. I knew that God would eventually answer this prayer but I was not sure how. The "how" is actually amazing...

On Asher's birthday (June 14th) God told Sonny in two very special ways that He loved him and was proud of him. First, Sonny was meeting with some men that he meets with on a weekly basis and he was able to talk to his mentor/spiritual father about a wedding that Sonny had officiated the day before. I do not know all of the details but Sonny came away so encouraged as he felt God had told him through Paul that Sonny was loved and that God was proud of him. It was so special to see how encouraged he was.

Later that night, Sonny got a call from his dad in New Jersey. His dad was calling to wish Asher a happy birthday but he and Sonny ended up talking for almost two hours. When Sonny got off, he was just glowing. Again, I do not know the exact details of the conversation but Sonny again came away feeling that he was loved as a son and that he had a father that was proud of him. We were both so encouraged that evening and to know that God had it all happen on birthday of Sonny's son- I still cannot get over how special God made that day!

So, if you are ever struggling with feeling like you, specifically, are not loved by the Father- keep praying. I know that God does want to show each of His children in a special, tangible way that He loves us- just like He did to Jesus at His baptism. Know that if you have trusted in Christ as your Lord and Savior- He does love you so much, even if you do not feel it right now. For Sonny, it has taken almost a year for God to answer this prayer request so it might not be tomorrow that God answers that prayer for you. One more bit of encouragement: even though it has taken a while for Sonny to see his prayer answered, I feel that the answer was so much sweeter after waiting and praying for it for so long. Hang in there!