Pruning... beneficial but difficult...

This past couple of weeks has had some great "ups" but also some "downs." I really want to remember what the Lord has been teaching me in this small little season because I know I will be in this place again soon enough. I know the "difficulties" that I share are very small in comparison to so many people around the world but for me it has been a small season of testing that has reminded me so much of my need for the grace and strength of the Lord. Let me explain...

As you know, we have 2 little ones that are 1 and 2 1/2 years old. I honestly thought that parenting would be a breeze for me- I have loved kids for my whole life. My dad used to tell people that if he could get me to love tennis as much as I loved kids, I would be able to go pro. Well, parenting is hard! Yes, it is such a blessing, but it is no cake walk. In parenting for the first few years you are continually giving of yourself. You wake up at all hours of the night, clean all day, referee between kids that are learning to share, try to make healthy meals and most importantly try to do all of this with the joy of Christ as you (along with your spouse) are teaching your children every minute about your faith in the Savior. It is a full time ministry that requires so much humility and dependency on the Spirit.

As of December 31st we have not had one night where both kids have slept through the night without waking up. Between colds and teething and just being "off routine"- sleep has been wanting. I don't know about everyone else but it is so hard for me to walk in joy when I do not get sleep. I find that my patience is so short and I am easily irritated and very emotional. About a week ago I was just pleading with the Lord to help me out. I had felt for a while that He wanted me to get up earlier than the kids so that I could have undistracted time with Him. I REALLY DID NOT want to do this. I used to spend time with Him in little segments throughout the day as the kids were playing or eating. While I still felt called to those little times during the day, I knew that He wanted more from me. Time that was just His. I know this might not sound like a big deal but getting up even earlier was very difficult for me at first but I wanted to obey. I know that I am most satisfied and He is most glorified when I am near to Him and if less sleep was the cost- I knew it would be worth it.

It has been so worth it. I have been reading so much about the Lord's pruning (John 15) and how He wants to make us over-comers and how He wants to shower us with blessings as over-comers (Revelation 2-3). It's been wonderful hearing Him tell me through His word that this difficult time is for my good and for His glory. I am learning to depend on Him even more than before and seeking His wisdom and grace constantly as I desire to be a wife and mom that please Him. It has not been easy but it has been worth it. I have been learning that the Lord tests our hearts and minds (not just how we can pretend infront of others) and wants us to have pure thoughts and clean heart. I am learning that He wants us to persevere and that pruning is difficult but it has a purpose. Pruning of fruit is a cutting away of the bad and unnecessary so that more good fruit can be produced. The same is true for us. The Lord often takes us through pruning seasons so that He can strip away the bad and unnecessary so that we can produce more good fruit for His glory.

If any of you find yourselves in a season of pruning, I pray that you will seek the Lord even more. Continually ask Him for wisdom and strength to not lose heart during this time. Remember that He disciplines those that He loves- for their good (Hebrews 12 and Revelation 3). Hang in there. Do not give up. You are not alone. It is worth it to endure!

Here are some verses that have encouraged/convicted me during this time...

Psalm 7:9c-10

"For the righteous God tests the hearts and minds. My defense is of God who saves the upright in heart"

Psalm 15:1-2

"Lord who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And he who speaks the truth in His heart..."

Psalm 26:2-3 (my prayer)

"Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my mind and my heart. For Your loving-kindess is before my eyes, And I have walked in Your truth."

John 15:1

"I Am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."

Revelation 2:2a-3

(my prayer is that the Lord would be able to say this about me one day...)

"I know your works, your labor, your patience... and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name's sake and have not become weary..."