Recent Conviction... leading to Freedom!!

This is a picture of our little Zoee. She lives life with such freedom- I know the Lord wants us to live with this freedom/faith of a child... let me back up a little...

For me, writing this blog is more than just me wanting to document things going on in our lives. Yes, that is one of the main purposes but I also have a few others. First, I want to eventually print this blog and give it to my kids when they are older so they can see the fun and crazy time that Sonny and I have raising them. Second, I really want to share struggles and joys that I go through as a mom, wife, and woman trying to follow Jesus. I guess I get somewhat frustrated with all the blogs/facebook statuses that present life in an picturesque way. I used to see some people's blogs/statuses and think "Wow! They have it all together. Life is perfect for them. I must be a horrible person because life is not always that neat and pretty for me!!??" I don't want people to feel that way when they read this. I want people to see our family and say "They are normal people with normal struggles but they keep on going and trying to love Jesus as a family." That's my hope. We have great days around here and we have not-so-great days. Just the other day Asher managed to break 2 glass items on the kitchen floor in under 2 hours!! It took every ounce of the Spirit in me to remain calm and joyful while cleaning the floor for the 8th time that day (I obviously had to clean it more than once for each broken item)!

With all that being said, I want to be honest about things the Lord convicts me of when I feel that He wants me to share them. I was convicted about this a few weeks ago but have not had the time to really sit down and write about it. The kids are currently visiting their Grandma and Grandad so now I have some time to process my thoughts and jot them down.

Every since I started trying to pursue Christ, I started to struggle with comparing myself with other ladies. I know in the Word we are called to see the faith of others and imitate that, but we are called to imitate their FAITH (Hebrews 13:7 Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.), not become clones of them. I would see a woman that I thought was great/godly and start to try to be just like her. I would be silent if she was silent... I would try to dress like her and act like her.... if she had 4 kids, I must need 4 kids... and on and on and on. I feel like it has taken me 10 years to figure out who the Lord wants ME to be (and I still have to go back to Him often with this to make sure that I am not trying to be someone else instead of who He wants me to be). I am not at all saying that it is wrong to look up to others. Older women are called to teach the younger women (Titus 2) BUT the goal is for us to be like and LOVE Jesus, not make little mini versions of ourselves. I want girls who come through our student ministry to say, "Through these years of being in this ministry, I now see exactly who Jesus is and who He wants me to be. I love the Lord and I love being His child. I will continue to follow Him because I know He is intimate with me and wants to use me for His glory as I am fearfully and wonderfully made in Him."

One area that I still struggle with comparing myself to other in is with my body image. I will see other woman and think "Wow! She is really fit and she has had kids... I need to look like that!" Then it can become an idol for me. This is NOT life. This is not the freedom that Christ offers His beloved. I was reading through the Proverbs and this verse jumped out at me...

"Do not be wise in your own eyes, Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones"

Proverbs 3:7-8

I don't know exactly why God chose to use this verse to convict me of my idolatry of body image but I just felt like He was telling me though this verse- "You think you are in control but you are not. I AM. I love you and want you to flee from this idol and come to Me. I alone can satisfy you." I felt from reading this verse and many other Psalms that the Lord was telling me that it is okay to want to be healthy and exercise but not to think continually about it. Our thoughts should be consumed with the Lord and with living for Him. I want my thoughts to be on how I can love my family and how I can encourage my friends and minister to others. These are the things I think He wants us to think about.

After being convicted about that, I shared my conviction with Sonny. He also reminded me of the verse right before the one I shared and he told me that the Lord had used that verse to minister and convict Him lately...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Provers 3:5-6

With all of this, I felt called to make some changes in my life/attitude. I want to just enjoy eating healthy and exercising, not think about it too often. I want my heart and mind to be for the Lord. I have been praying about this a lot and have just tried to think more about the Lord more. Though I have had some weak times, I have had a few weeks of victory and freedom. It has been great. I hope that this encourages you to flee from any idols you are holding on to and run to the Lord. Only He can truly satisfy us.

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

~Psalm 34:8-10