Yesterday at church they played a song that brought back so many memories for me and I think it's time to revisit how Sonny and I got to where we are today. Where do I begin? This may be a super LONG post so I am sorry in advance.
When I was in 8th grade, I started thinking more about attending the youth group at my church. My mom said that I would probably enjoy going to the youth service that was held on Sunday nights (our service was called Truth). Our youth pastor was so different from the typical ones you hear about. We never had shaving cream fights or blender challenges. He came to us with the one thing he knew could change our lives- Jesus. He taught us the Word of God with power and full conviction. He had seen God's Word change his life and believed that knowing Jesus through His Word was the absolute best thing for us. Sonny and I are so thankful for the ministry of Paul and Krystal in our lives. Here is a previous post we wrote about them with a picture of all of us our to dinner:
http://scahoward.blogspot.com/2011/06/imitate-their-faith.html
They both had (and still have) a passion for Jesus that was unlike anything we had seen. It was captivating and made us both want to know more about the Savior that Paul was preaching about.
I started to attend Truth regularly as a 9th grader but was still living a double life. I liked being a semi-popular kid in public school but I was also drawn to something present on Sunday nights. For about a year, I tried to live in both worlds. I had my friends at school and outside of church that were involved in things of the world and I had my church friends that were encouraging me to follow Jesus.
My sophomore year began and things were just getting exhausting. I knew that the life I was leading was not right. I was lukewarm (see Revelation 3:16)... a fence-sitter trying to love this world and still be okay with Jesus. The weekend of October 31st of my sophomore year (1999) our student ministry went to a retreat in Pineywoods, Texas. Paul went through the crucifixion with us and described in detail what our Savior had experienced so that we could be forgiven. This was back before The Passion, I even remember him using an overhead projector to display images of a Roman flogging and crucifixion. The Lord broke me. I remember Him gently but firmly telling me- "You cannot love me and the world. You have to decide. I went through this for you, is it enough? Follow Me." That was it. By grace I was going to follow Jesus.
I went home and knew that I could not hang out with the friends I had been hanging with. I talked with them and let them know that I was going to try to pursue Jesus and that if any of them wanted to do it too, He was there. They gave me that "oh- that's good for you" talk and that was it. I knew that I needed to be around people that were going to encourage me to know and love Jesus. I broke up with the guy that I was dating because the Lord told me to (even though it was incredibly hard for me at the time) and I started to be faithful every Sunday night and Wednesday night (Wednesday nights were our small groups). Though I was getting involved in the student ministry, it was a little bit of a lonely season for me. I had left everything that was dear to me to follow this Jesus that I was just coming to know. It was scary at times I felt like I had nothing but Jesus. I know that was exactly where He wanted me, though. It was a time where I learned to trust and depend on Him for everything. I had no idea if I would make new friends or if I would fit in or what would happen in my future. My hope was completely in Christ.
Then, just a little bit later, we all went to camp at Camp Mitchell in Arkansas. There was this guy named Sonny there and I saw something different in him. I remember telling my friend Kelly, "I really like that Sonny guy. I hope to get to know him better." The time in Arkansas was wonderful. It honestly was not about me getting to know this new guy. Though I thought he was great, I knew I was there to grow with Jesus. It was refreshing to be away from the ploys of the world and to enjoy fellowship, great teaching and worship in such a beautiful environment. I could just feel the Lord continuing to tell me that He loved me and wanted me to trust Him. Sonny and I became friends (played lots of volleyball together on our team named the "Tadpoles") and were both able to deal with the Lord on different issues that He was taking us through.
(Here we are in Arkansas in 2000)
After coming back home, our student ministry had a lock-in. Sonny came but he had invited this girl from the Woodlands (she only stayed for a little bit). I was honestly a little sad but knew that Jesus was in control. This is where the song from the first paragraph come into play... At midnight of the lock-in, we had a worship time and the song, "I'm trading my sorrows" was being played. I remember looking over at that handsome guy and seeing him worship Jesus with his whole heart. He was in the very back of the room and seemed so abandoned to the Lord when singing the "yes, Lord!" part. I said in my heart, "I hope to marry a man who loves Jesus like that."
Time went by and my youth pastor would often check up on me to see how I was doing. He asked how I was doing in the "guy" department because that was a struggle that I had had in the past. I remember telling him that I had a crush on Sonny. I remember his face, "Really? He is going to bounce of the walls when he finds that out!" I was a little worried. What did that mean, "bounce of the walls?" Was that bad? He encouraged me to pray about it for a while and we would talk again. About 3 weeks later he asked how I was doing. I said I still really felt attracted to him and his love for Jesus. Paul told me that it was okay for me to let Sonny know how I was feeling. That night, after Truth, I asked Sonny "Can I have your number? I need to talk with you about something." He gave it to me and that night I called to tell him that I found his love for the Lord very attractive and wanted to know him better. It took a while for him to say anything back (he says that he thought I was going to say I was joking and hang up on him). Finally he said, okay, and that was about all. We had our first unofficial date at Boston Market and then went to Starbucks to share the gospel with people. I loved being around him and seeing his passion for Jesus!
We started dating in about September of that year. Our time of dating had its ups and downs to say the least. We struggled with purity and were constantly battling to stay focused on the Lord. Though it was hard, it was refining. We ended up getting engaged in January of 2002 and got married in January of 2004 (this post is getting a little long so that's the short version of our engagement). The main theme of our wedding was God's sweet provision. Though we were young and somewhat inexperienced, He always provided for us and never abandoned us.
(sorry that these are a little blurry, I was taking a picture of a picture and this is the result)
Honestly every year of marriage gets better for us. We have had great times of joy and times of horrible sorrow (we had 5 miscarriages before getting pregnant with Asher). We have had very difficult seasons of fighting and growing and very wonderful seasons of enjoying each other and our Savior. The times when we do fight, it all comes down to pride and not submitting to the Lord. Things are so much easier now than they were when we first started. We have seen that trying to live in the humility of Jesus makes our marriage work. When we try to love each other as we have been loved by Jesus (with an unconditional, sacrificial, overwhelming love), it just makes things so much easier. I enjoy every SINGLE day being the bride of Sonny. He is my absolute best friend. I enjoy being with him more than any other person on this earth. He makes me smile every day. Even though we do occasionally have disagreements now, we are able to handle them so much better than how we did in our early marriage. We try to never let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26) and we pray often to live in humility with one another. The verse that I remember reading early on in our relationship is
Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more that we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen!"
I would always pray this verse for Sonny and I- that by His grace we would be able to see Him do more than we could ever ask or imagine. God is so incredibly faithful. He has fulfilled that verse in our lives. I am so humbled to have been able to see Him do more than I could ever have asked or imagined. I get to do ministry with my best friend. We have 2 children that are a joy to raise. We have wonderful friends that encourage us and that we get to do ministry with. We get to see students grow to know and love Jesus with their whole hearts. Though at times life has been tough, God has always, always sustained us and told us not to fear but to trust in Him. As we approach 9 years of marriage, I am continually humbled at the reality that I get to be married to such a wonderful, Jesus-loving man. His mercies really are over all of His works (Psalm 145)
