In the image of the Father...

I know that I have posted something similar to this earlier but Sonny and I feel like this was a huge lesson/encouragement to us and I wanted to share. A few weeks ago I took Asher to the doctor for a yucky cold. The nurse manager, who has been a wonderful friend of our family since I was in 3rd grade, said to me, "I am sorry Casi, but he looks just like his dad."

Of course she knew this would not make me the least bit sad since I think Sonny is super handsome, but when I told Sonny this story later in the day, He felt like the Lord really spoke to him. Sonny told me that it made him proud that Asher looked like him. You see, Sonny delights in his son and loves when people notice that Asher is his boy. Sonny realized that the Lord seems (in His word) to feel the same way about us. There are countless times in scripture, starting in Genesis, where God says that we are made in His image and also that He wants us to be conformed to the image of His Son. As a Father, it seems that the Lord takes joy in people noticing that we are like Him. He loves us and is proud of us- especially when people look at us and see Him.

This was such an encouragement to Sonny and I. I hope to make the Father smile by constantly growing in His image.

Genesis 1:27
"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

Moving dirt.... (and eating it)

Like I have said before, the Lord is continually teaching Sonny and I about Himself and us through our little boy. Today was not a life altering illustration but it sure was a nice reminder of why God calls us not to worry or be anxious....

Lately Asher has LOVED going for walks. There was one day last week where I think we went on 3 walks in one day. I am not complaining at all- I love them too! I love being outside, I love this nicer weather, and I LOVE that walking is supposed to bring on labor (though I still have a few more weeks of walking ahead of me before she comes).

We usually walk to a small park very close to our house then play for a few minutes before walking home. It is so fun to watch a 15 month old "play"- the things that intrigue him are so interesting to me. Well today Asher decided that he wanted to move dirt and wood chips from the playground area to the sidewalk that surround the playground. Not exaggerating- he spent about 15 minutes DILIGENTLY moving the dirt from one place to another. At first, this was not something that made me stop and think but then I felt like the Lord was trying to teach me something. Not that I want to ruin Asher's fun but from my perspective what he was doing would only last a short while before it would not matter how much diligence he had put into his task. I felt like God was trying to teach me His perspective on our lives. There really is no reason to get stressed or worried about things in this life. Like Ecclesiastes says, life is a vapor and it is all going to go away soon. I am not trying to be "Debbie Downer," I do believe that we are supposed to enjoy life- that is also what Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 5:18,

"Here is what I have seen to be good and fitting: to eat, to drink and enjoy oneself in all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward."

How crazy would it have been from my point of view for Asher to get upset and angry that the dirt was not staying in place or that it was not exactly how he wanted it. I know that by the end of the day all of the dirt he moved will most likely be gone anyways. But Asher enjoyed what he was doing- even though it was only temporary. I really want to learn from this. I do not want to waste time getting upset when things do not go my way- I want to enjoy the life that the Lord has given me knowing that it is only for a short time.

On the flip side, we also need to remember that what really matters is not if things in this life go well. What matters is that we have a growing relationship with Christ and that we live for His kingdom and not this world. All else is just "dirt" and will soon be gone. I think we need to have a healthy balance between enjoying the things here but remembering that eternity is what we are really living for.

Enduring hardship for the glory of God...

I am reading through the book of John right now, and I feel like the Lord is reminding me of a season that He took us through. When reading about the blind man (John 9) and Lazarus (John 11), I am reminded of the difficult season that Sonny and I went through before Asher was born.

Anyone who knew me growing up knows that I love kids and always have. Even when I went to my brother's baseball games from about ages 8-15, I would always find the person with the baby and try to offer help with the little one. All through highschool when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I "grew up" I would simply say, "a wife and a mom."

When Sonny and I got married, we were 19 years old and he said that we were going to wait to have kids. I knew that I was called to honor him and I also knew that I did not want to pressure him into having kids- so I was going to wait until the Lord told Sonny it was time to have kids. I was sure that it would only take a year or two for Sonny to hear from the Lord about this but such was not the case! We were married almost 5 years before Sonny felt like it was time. That was such a hard waiting period for me but such a great season of growth in Sonny and I's marriage and in my relationship with the Lord. I learned to continually be submitting my life to Christ and to wait for His timing.

When we finally did start trying to have a baby, we got pregnant right away. I had just assumed that it would not take us a long time and I was right. Then something happened. When I was about 5 weeks pregnant, I lost the baby. It was horrible. Even though I was "barely pregnant," I had already given so much of my heart to this little baby growing inside me. I was devastated and so was Sonny. I had just assumed that my 5 years of waiting on the Lord would be rewarded by an instant pregnancy that would be easy and perfect. I really did not understand what the Lord was doing. Then, less than 2 months later, I got pregnant again. Surely this would be the one. The first pregnancy was just a test, right?- to see if I was still trusting the Lord. Then, 5 weeks into that pregnancy, I lost our second baby. This again was so tough for Sonny and I. From January until July of 2008, I had 5 miscarriages- losing all of the babies at around 5 weeks. I was heartbroken....

This brings me to John 9 and 11. When the disciples ask Jesus in John 9:2 , "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" Jesus answers something remarkable "It was neither that this man sinner, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him." The same kind of statement is made of Lazarus in chapter 11:4 "But when Jesus heard this (Lazarus' death), He said 'This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of Man might be glorified by it.'"

Looking back, I can say with confidence that this was what the Lord was doing with us. That season of loss and heartache was not without a purpose. The Lord used that time for His glory in so many ways. That season drew Sonny and I so much closer together and drew us closer to the Lord. There were times when I was so spiritually and emotionally weak and Sonny was such a representation of Christ to me. He spoke truth to me and comforted me with the love of Christ. He represented Ephesians 5:25-26 to me in such a tangible and wonderful way. I also learned that I had some idolatry in my life. I had idolized the thought of being a mom and the Lord had to show me that I could not love anything, even my children, more than Him.

Finally, in September of 2008, we got pregnant again, but this time the doctors had found out that I had low progesterone that was causing me to miscarry. I got on progesterone and we had Asher 9 months later.

Even now I can still see how the Lord used our hard time for His glory. I have had a few friends that have been through miscarriages and it has been such a blessing to be able to comfort them as I was comforted during my time of hurting. I have been so grateful to be able to use our hard time to try and strengthen the body of Christ.

Sonny reminds me often of the full implications of Romans 8:28
"And we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes."

Even our seasons of sorrow can be used for God's glory.

Like Father, like Son

Asher LOVES to be outside- even when it is 107 outside, he LOVES it!! Almost every day we will spend at least 30 minutes or so playing in our driveway or garage and try to keep cool with ice and popsicles. When Sonny is available, he will come and hang out with Ash and I in the garage and I get to see over and over again how Asher is JUST like his daddy! I was sitting down in a nice comfy chair enjoying Crystal Light one evening when I just started to laugh to myself. While I was relaxing and being still (which neither my husband or son can do very well =) ), Sonny and Asher were both pacing around the yard finding different things to do. It was so precious! Sonny would walk around the yard checking on the trees and bushes and grass and Ash would follow him around, then go play in the dirt, then go back to following his dad and try to "help" Sonny trim the bushes. It was just such a sweet reminder of how we are created in the image of God. Everything that is good and lovely about us is a reflection of the Lord and His goodness. Just thought that might be an encouragement =)

Waiting on the Lord

I have been thinking about this for a while and feeling like I needed to write it but things have been so hectic with me being almost 30 wks pregnant and having a toddler that I am lucky if I can get in a shower and brush my teeth!! =)

I was reading through Exodus and chapter 32 really encouraged me about waiting for the Lord. When Moses went up to meet with God the people got impatient and would not wait for Moses to get back. They wanted answers NOW and something tangible to worship NOW (which is why they made the golden calf). I see that I am very often just like the Israelites- pregnancy is one of the biggest examples. I am just having the hardest time waiting to have Zoee here but I know that there are so many reasons that she is not here just yet. I am learning to just wait and try to soak in this time that I have left with just Sonny and Asher. I know that Zoee will bring so much joy to our family but the fact is that she will change the dynamic. Ash will not be an only child and Sonny and I will have to work even harder to make sure that we get to spend quality time together. I am just really trying to slow down and not be in a rush- to wait for the Lord's timing for Zoee's arrival and to wait for His timing in all other things.

I just want to say that my wonderful friend Lindsay (and her husband Landon) has encouraged me so much in her waiting on the Lord. I have learned from both of them about just taking time to listen for the Lord to lead and to even ask friends to be "waiting and listening" on your behalf. I really feel like they represent the opposite of Israel's response in Exodus 32. Instead of feeling mad or anxious that the Lord was/is not doing things exactly how they had planned and trying to figure out a way to get what they want anyways- they are being spending time in prayer as a couple and with friends about what the Lord might have for them. What a wonderful example for me and so many others.

Just wanting to encourage anyone who feels like God is taking a while to hang in there. He loves His children and really is doing what is best for us. Sometimes it might take a while for us to see why He does things the way He does but let's not get anxious and try to conjure something up on our own. Wait. Spend time in prayer and ask friends to be in prayer for you. Rest with the Lord and continue to seek Him.

"And his mother's name was..."

A couple of months ago when Sonny and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom next year, I started questioning what my purpose for this next season was. In every season before this, I do not feel that I really questioned my purpose... when I became Sonny's wife, I knew that my purpose was to love and honor him.... when I managed the Richmond Coffee Station, I knew my purpose was to serve the customers with joy, honor my boss, and be a godly example to my employees. When I became a teacher at Rosehill, I knew my purpose was to exemplify Christ to my students and be a diligent, fair, trustworthy teacher and employee. I do not really know why I now have been questioning my purpose. Maybe it is because the person that takes up the bulk of my time during the day is a 14 month old who cannot really communicate. I do not really have a gauge to see how I am doing at discipling my son. I often wonder if I am doing all that the Lord is calling me to do to raise Asher to know and love Jesus.

As I was reading through 1 and 2 Kings, something really stuck out to me. Often, when giving the legacy of a King of Israel or Judah, the word would follow or preface his legacy with these words, "and his mother's name was..." When I first noticed this I did not think much of it but the more I read through these two books, the more the Lord started to stir that phrase within me. I always recognized that a son's father was listed when genealogies were being told, but I had never really noticed the moms being thrown in with them. Right after or right before telling if a king was godly or corrupt, the Lord makes mention of his mother's name.

"...Hezekiah the son of Ahaz, king of Judah, began to reign... his mother's name was Abi the daughter of Zechariah. And he did what was right in the sight of the Lord, according to all that his father David had done." (2 Kings 18:1-3)

I still do not know all of the details of what motherhood entails in the Lord's eyes but I think there is more to it than we think. I have felt the Lord telling me that during this season I am supposed to offer structure, love, and discipline to my son. I am learning that my job now is more of walking in the Spirit than anything (it has always been that, but now it seems much more pressing). I cannot really "teach" Asher the word like I teach the girls in the student ministry. I do read the word often to him but I feel that more than anything, I am called now to be living out the word of God. Ash needs to see that I am slow to anger and quick to listen. He needs to see that I try to rejoice always and pray without ceasing. In some ways, this season is much harder than any others I have been in before. It is much easier to put together a bible study lesson on purity than it is to walk daily in the joy of Christ, serving others first. I know that this season has been one of refinement and revelation of how selfish I can be, but it is refreshing to know that the Lord does take notice of our diligence in serving him. These mothers were listed in their sons legacies- I sure hope and pray that my son will see Christ daily in me and will have a legacy like king Hezekiah's.

Father and son...

I always knew that having children would refine us and teach us more about the Lord, but I am often amazed at the small lessons that the Lord teaches us through Asher...

Asher is a normal 14 month old and is constantly on the go. He rarely sits still. When he is awake, he is constantly running around the house or moving from toy to toy. Sonny was telling me today about how God was using this in his life. There are times when all that Sonny and I want to do is hold our little boy and tell him that we love him and are proud of him. How do you do that when your son is never sitting still? Asher is getting better at sitting every once in a while but whenever his daddy comes around- he gets into "play mode" and wants to play chase or cars or hide-and-seek. While those are great games, the heart of Sonny as his father is to sometimes just sit and hold Asher and let him know that he is loved by his dad.

How often are we like this with our Father? We get so busy with life that we never really just sit in the presence of the Lord and let Him love on us. Even if we are diligent in reading the Word, how often do we just read and run... never letting the Lord speak to us as we sit and meditate on His word? I know that I am super guilty of this. I often think to myself, "okay, I have 15 minutes until Asher should be waking up... I need to read the word and pray... and I need to hurry." Is that really what the Lord wants from us? I do not think that this is what He is wanting. He wants a relationship with us where we delight in Him and enjoy being His children just as Sonny is longing for the day when Ash will sit still and just be loved on by his father. I know that this day will come as Asher matures but for now we must try and get our little moments with him when we can.

I hope this encourages you today to sit in the presence of Jesus and just delight in him. Let's not hurry through the day but make sure that we are really enjoying our Lord.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."
~Psalm 46:10-11