Please read the post before this if you don't mind before reading this one. There was just something left unfinished in the prior post and the more I think about it, the more I just wish I could talk one on one with every girl to share what the Lord has taken me through in regards to this issue. I guess blogging will have to do for now. I want to start with how the Lord even brought this issue about in my life...
When I was a sophomore in highschool, I became a believer in Christ. I had always known the gospel- that Christ died on the cross in my place in order that I might have a relationship with the Father- but I did not come to believe this with my whole heart and life until I was a sophomore. Sonny and I are convinced after spending time in God's word that belief is not just a verbal acknowledgment of facts but if you really believe something- your life will be lived in a way that reflect that belief. So, when I became a Christian, my whole life's path was different. I was no longer trying to live for myself and what pleases me but my new goal was to honor Christ in all areas of my life.
Modesty was one issue I was VERY new to! I had always thought that when you get dressed you should wear the cutest thing you can. I had no idea that I could be causing guys to think about me in a sexual way. I am being honest about this. I was so naive in this area. I just thought bikinis and short shorts were cute... not a snare for men that are trying to pursue Christ. All of this changed when I started to try to please Christ. I started to look at other women in the church whose faith I admired and I saw that their clothes were not what brought attention to them- it was their character. They were known by others because of their faith- not their appearance. I wanted to be the same so I started to dress more modestly.
Then came my relationship with Sonny. We started dating at the beginning of my junior year. Now I had a whole new motivation to dress modestly... I wanted to help keep my boyfriend from being tempted visually in order that he and I might stay pure physically. I had SO far to go. I remember one time when Sonny and I were going to watch a movie (please do not watch movies with your boyfriend ALONE... it's just too hard and you really will be just setting yourselves up to fail) and I was wearing these "cute" red cheerleader shorts and a t-shirt. I thought I looked cute and sweet. I came downstairs to sit with Sonny and right away he said, "Can you please go back up to your room and change? If we are going to stay pure, you cannot wear those shorts." I was surprised! Cheerleading shorts? Really? YES!! Any clothes that reveal too much of a girls legs, chest, or stomach are just a call for guys to struggle. I went back upstairs and changed into something more modest and actually put those shorts away for hopefully a time when I could wear them as Sonny's wife. From then one Sonny was my biggest encourager when it came to modesty. He would help me to see from a guys perspective and he would ask me to change if my clothes would be a stumbling block to him or others. I am SO SO thankful for how Sonny helped me to watch what I wear. Purity was such a battle for us and I know that me trying to dress more modestly really did help him to lead our relationship away from temptation (we still struggled a lot and if you are in a dating relationship and need to talk with a couple who battled with purity, we would LOVE to hang out with you and share things that we did that were both good and bad in our battle to stay pure).
Then came our wedding...
and I was sure that the standards for modesty would change. I could wear a bikini in public now, right? Well, the standards did not change. For a little while I did start to wear bikinis in public- only when Sonny and I were on vacation but then the Lord spoke to me kindly but firmly, "Do you really think that there are no men on this cruise ship who might be struggling with lust? Just because you are married does not mean that you can dress in a revealing way. Others are still watching and you need to make sure that your clothing reflects your faith." So, I felt that God was calling me to save the bikinis just for my husband and I have held to this conviction ever since.
One thing that I want to hit on before ending this long post is the somewhat twisted notion that people have when thinking about modesty. I have heard often, "Oh, I have a modest swimsuit for church events but I have a bikini for when I am out with friends." Really? This is okay? Why do we think that we can dress one way when the event is considered a "church" event and another way when we are on our own? This always baffled me. It is my hope and desire that I am the same person no matter what "event" I am at. Sonny and I always strive for this because we think it is what the bible teaches. I want the way that I act at in public and at church events to be the same way that I am acting at home. I do not think it is right for us to have different masks that we wear depending on the type of people we are around. For us to act or dress a certain way just at "church" events seems a little hypocritical. I am not trying to be harsh here at all, just reasonable. I am open to being corrected in this area so please let me know if you have a different biblical conviction that you do not mind sharing.
I hope that I do not seem too harsh. I just wanted to share the areas in my life where the Lord has shown me personally what His call for modesty is for me. I have told my girl students many times that I want them to be convicted by the Lord Himself, not to just follow a set of standards because I think it is right. I encourage every women trying to live a godly life to pray diligently about this issue and really ask for God to show you what His version of modesty is. Even if His version is not the most appealing to you, I pray that you would be willing to lay down your desires to please Christ and encourage His people.
Please let me know if you have any questions about anything I have said. I really do not want to be one of those people who show no grace and are prideful and harsh. One of my closest friends and I had differed of the issue of bikinis for over a year and just in the past couple of months did she decide not to wear them. It was not because of me, either, that her view was changed, and even if she still wore bikinis- I would love her just the same =). I had shared with her my conviction and just encouraged her to seek the Lord on that issue. It took time and prayer for her to really find out what the Lord was asking her to do to make sure that she was dressing the best for God's glory and to honor her future husband. Even while she was undecided about swimwear we had a great friendship. I will not condemn people who's views are different than mine. This is an issue that has been debated for many hours in American churches and I just think we should be able to talk more about it. What really matters is that Christians are seeking to glorify Christ in all areas of their lives- whether it is the clothes they wear, the movies they watch, how they talk and act and live.
Christ has called us who want to follow Him to pick up our crosses and die to the desires of our flesh. We are called to love others more than ourselves and that involves us bringing every thought, word, action, and garment captive to the obedience of Christ. =)
Asher after I let him eat breakfast in the playroom.... messy!!
